Kids and Their YouTubes [A Story of Offensiveness, Obesity, and Boy-on-Hat Crime]

There's not much I can say except the internet is a crazy place and my new gig blogging about viral videos for Bostonist has me sifting through pages and pages of Boston-tagged videos, which has introduced me to a whole new world of crazy crazy shit.

This is one of those videos.



Oh kids and their racism, hat-ism, and shovel abuse.

My New Life Goal [Pencil Pushers of the Gods]

I was always a little too socially well-adjusted to truly fit in with the Speech & Debate Team in high school. But I've always admired the outcast (hence, the emo obsession). And in the case of the professional Speech & Debater (ahem, "master debater" as the joke went), they always had the sweetest pen twirling skills.

I try as I might, my pen always ends up across the room... in a cup of coffee... protruding out of my opponent's eye (an unfortunately fortunate way to win a debate)...

But after watching this video, my dream is renewed!



Now all I need is a yogi-type personal trainer to get my digits into top twirling shape! [Interested parties leave your official application in the comments.]

Sausages, Sausages, Sausages, Sausages [Second Verse, Same As the First]

Not to be a lady who keeps her audience dangling (penis pun alert!), I must dutifully report that I am now the proud owner of the March 1995 Playgirl featuring Scott Bakula.

Exhibit A:
Ooh la la, indeed! I have dutifully read my first-ever piece of purchased pornography (say that five times fast!) cover-to-cover and I have a few findings to report:

1) 1990s Playgirl maintains an almost pathological insistence that the sole audience for this magazine is women. Every letter, every submitted fantasy, the editor's comments, everything was female-centric. There is no acknowledgment of a gay audience whatsoever. Which is funny because when I see a naked dude doing some artistic back bends in a jungle in front of a tiger, gaygaygay is all I can think. Well, that and Dude, sweet tiger!

2) It distresses me that so many of the fantasies in the reader fantasy section start with "I said no, but really meant yes" premises. Oy, ladies. Oy.

3) Also tragic was the fact that every bio on every naked dude in there did little to mask the career desperation of the wannabe A-list actors of the world. Every one was a star in the making back in 1995. And in 2008? Even their certified cover star Scott Bakula is a cult favorite at best.

4) I really do feel for the plight of male nude models. Looking at these photos it became resoundingly clear how philosophically complex the question "Where should I rest my junk?" really was. Where, indeed. Where, indeed.

Only on a dreary rainy day like today would I find such tragedy in a racy nudey magazine. Ah well--to cheer us up, here is a very apropos (and disturbingly hilarious in its own right) clip from The Kids in the Hall called "Sausages":

Hot New Blog to Watch: Rageoline and Company [Your Daily Diversion]

Every five seconds a new blog is born. It's a fact. (Just count to twenty and then go look it up on Wikipedia; I'm still editing the entry about it now.)

But how do you decide what to read? How will you know what's worth your while!?!?!

First off, I'd say calm down drama queen. You're cut off from any more coffee this morning.

And second off, I'd say I'll tell you what to read! You are on my blog and therefore, I get to tell you what to do. And I'm telling you to read Rageoline & Company. It's a new blog written by some very angry and very funny Boston-based folk.* And it's soon to be all the rage! (Zing!!!)

I mean just look at this picture of rage. Hilarious, no?

Hilarious, yes!

So what did Rageoline decide to focus her snark-beams on for her first target of derision?

Flan! 'Natch.

Flan is so dumb, it doesn't even have a page on Wikipedia. Take that, flan. I don't really even understand what it is, and I've eaten it. It's a strange color and the texture is disgusting. If you've ever eaten flan, you will know that it also has an oozing liquid, which leaks out of the side of it. This reminds me of fruit on the bottom yogurt, where you have that extra yogurt juice, which isn't quite yogurt, and doesn't really resemble any of the fruit from the bottom. I know you know which juice I'm referring to...

How can you argue with mystery juices? You just can't!

So speaketh me: "Read it. Love it. Rage on party dudes!"


*Myself potentially included on that list. Identities changed to protect the snarky.

Look Ma! I'm On The YouTubes [Riding The Self-Promotional Wave]

A few months back a little sketch I wrote about the glories of made-for-tv-movies called "The Tiffani Martin Story" was committed to film by Downcellar Productions. It debuted at Improv Boston last Friday as part of their new film division and has now proudly found its way onto the internet. (The true home for all pervy and offensive things!)

YAYY!! Enjoy!



I would be totally remiss in my entertainment-providing duties if I did not also highlight the other hilarious commercial-parody sketches that came out of that day of shooting.

Hurley Brothers Home Furnishing



Connections: Daniel Plainview



Morelli Brothers Home Furnishing



And my personal favorite, Regal Osprey Blended Scotch Whiskey

It's DivMo's Birthday, Uh! Happy Birthday, Uh! And They Said It Wouldn't Last! [OK, They Didn't, But I Couldn't Resist The Michael Jackson Reference]

That's right, exactly 1 year ago today, Diverted Motion was born! Who knew the internet would even exist a year later, let alone that I would still be writing on it!? (In it? Ew.)

But here we are friends. And oh, what a year it's been! Who's surprised my top posts for the year are comprised of phallic weathermen, a lesson in making fake-ids, social network suicide, and lesbian Golden Girls? Or that my top 3 traffic-generating search terms are "lezby," "Jonas Brothers suck," and "how to make a fake id"? DivMo was founded on the principle of catering to sexual, musical, and legal deviants, so I consider these traffic findings a sign of a job well (deviantly)-done!

And to celebrate our 1st year together, I brought cake!

And 2 dogs fighting over a pinata!

And a Birthday Faery from the same Angelfire gif factory where FiHo was born.


And because no DivMo post could be complete without a really crappy YouTube video, here is the most pixeltastic tribute to birth I could find (and it only took me a two second-search! Thanks YouTube.)



You think DivMo's naughty now, wait 'til we hit the terrible twos!

Life Without Garfield Is Totes Postmodern, Tragic [Like My Constant Usage Of The "Word" "Totes" In Sentences]

This is not the first encounter DivMo's had with Garfield the cat (and no I'm not talking of the fat, Italian variety). There is something about the World's Most Syndicated Comic Strip that makes it infinitely more entertaining when set to live-action video-reenactment or, in the case of my new favorite internet find Garfield Minus Garfield, when Garfield is removed from the strip entirely:

Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness in a quiet American suburb.

Um, genius! Here are 3 of my favorites, though the whole site is full of these hilaritragic gems: