Literal Hours Lost Watching Literal Videos [Thank You, YouTube Gods]

Best YouTube genre to date--better than 9 year-old karaoke wannabes and zit popping--is hands down "Literal" music videos where the song's lyrics are swapped out for a narration of what's literally occurring in the music video.

Since 99.9% of all music video happenings are certifiably insane, the results are hilarious. To prove my hypothesis, I've spent countless hours of scientific research--YouTubery, if you will--to bring you some of the internet's greatest examples of the genre. To wit:

Bonnie Tyler 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' (Literal Version)


Meatloaf 'Anything for Love' (Literal Version)


Journey 'Separate Ways' (Literal Version)


Tears for Fears 'Head Over Heels' (Literal Version)


A-Ha 'Take on Me' (Literal Version)

The Internet is Not a Safe Place for Children...

...Nor for people who want to be protected from children making creepy YouTube music videos of popular hit songs...

To wit, little 9 year-old Lauren T's take on Lady Gaga's 'Pokerface':



OK, confession time. I started out terrified of 9 year-old Lauren T, but the more YouTube videos I watch of her, the more obsessed I get. It's like that YouTube zit popping fetish video genre...

In this one 9 year-old Lauren T sings in front of doggy pictures!



And the "advice" comments she gets are priceless (emphasis mine):

you have the same [i don't wanna say problem, but...] problem as a lot of aspiring singers that i know. they put too much of their talent in the song and strain their voice. i'm sure if you got lessons you'd be really great. your voice is a little shaky and pitchy, so be sure to work on that as well. also, some of the notes are off. you'd be real good if your voice was...polished...xD
-ScribblexCookie :]

slow down and relax! and while you're at it, smoothen your voice. And you were wrong at some lyrics. But if you take my advice you MIGHT just be top 20 of American Idol. You have a good voice just... get music lessons. :)
-EeeFae

OMG, then there's her "Debut Original Single Release: Why Can't You Come Back (To Me)." God, I love it when songs end (with parenthetical asides (for no real reason)). This one is just a still shot of little 9 year-old Lauren T but the melisma is beautiful enough to peel dry paint off the wall (read: her notes are wobblier than a kid on the first day without the training wheels).

This comment really sold this song to me:

im sorry i hate it!!!!!!especiallt 3:54 to the end.you kept like screaming!
-darlenehernandez123

I don't care what the commenters say, little 9 year-old Lauren T, scream your lungs out all you want! The internet has plenty of room for you and all your dangerously misguided, one day mortifying music videos.

Using The Online Blogopolis To Share My Thoughts With Up To 10 People!

DivMo turned two on April 23rd, which in internet time is pre-death Bea Arthur old (rip foxy lady/favorite Airheads reference)!

I might be a mistress of the internet now, but two years ago I was as ignorant to this series of tubes as a claustrophobic hamster. Fortunately, one morning I received a fax with a fancy address called a You-Are-Ell that took me to this video explaining Gabe's & Max's patented* system that put the power of the internet at my finger's tip!

Gabe and Max convinced me the internet is not just for scientists! It's for people like me! And you too!**

* not actually patented
**For 3 easy payments of $69.99!!

Jesus, Crist! [Reason #666 I'm Proud To Be A (Former)Floridian]

Thaaaat's right. If you live in Florida, Jesus can be your copilot. Not sure how the Holy One feels about where "vanity" plates falls in with the whole seven deadly sins bit, but Florida Governor Charlie Crist doesn't see a problem with them: "If you don't like them, don't buy them."

Crist might not support the separation of church and state, but he's got more important issue to deal with, like proving to Valentino the best oranges come from Florida:

Thanks Political Demotivation!

Child Journey Band, You Have Found Yourself a New Groupie [That's My Boyfriend!]

I always knew some day love would find me and break those chains that bind me. I just didn't know it would be today, nor would my love be a pint-sized Perry.



The subtle hip gyrations just undo me!

Sometimes the Internet is a Mirror That Shows You How Truly Bad Your Sense of Humor is...

Not only did watching this video make me laugh, I actually had to pause it halfway through to wipe the tears from my eyes (and to make sure no coworkers caught me watching such a monstrosity). Sadness, children. Pure sadness.



Now that we've gotten that little embarrassment out of the way...

DivMo's back from winter hibernation! Huzzah! Clearly this long break has caused our internet tolerance levels to drop critically low. We shall spend the next few weeks feeding of the blood of memes to build our strength!

More posts to come!

All Aboard the Blingee Bandwagon

Because nothing quite says 'I love you friend' like an animated gif bullet to the head. :)

Sparkle courtesy of Blingee.com, bad idea enabled by the good folks over at Best Week Ever.


Glitter Graphics

I will now open the floor up to requests.