Because You're Never Too Old For Your Daddy To Buy You A Pony [Oh, My! Little Pony]

Here's a little music from Ginuwine to get you in the mood for this post (and for a few other things, I'm sure)...

In honor of My Little Pony's 25th birthday and to congratulate me on my new job--because nothing says, "Congrats on your big-girl promotion" quite like a pink plastic pony to call my own--my father mailed me a My Little Pony Decorating Star Catcher pony!

I immediately decided my My Little Pony was a transvestite pony and I named her Lady, accordingly. I love her very much. And here is pictorial proof:

If the look in my eyes doesn't say, "I'm going to love you and take care of you forever," it's probably saying "I'm nothing but trouble and I'm going to do very bad things to you for my own amusement." I often get those sentiments confused. Woe be the man crazy enough to take on the challenge of being loved by me...

But back to Lady! She's not just your average My Little Pony... Lady's got magical heat-sensitive color changing powers!! Just check out this awesome description:

STAR CATCHER pony is the coolest way to make a pony your own! Special ice pens let you stamp or draw to reveal colors on STAR CATCHER pony’s body! Fill the ice pens with water and freeze. When frozen, apply the ice pens to the pony to reveal her colors! Use your warm fingers or a warm washcloth (not included) to turn the pony white again! Decorate her any way you want, as many times as you like.

I was thrilled to try out Lady's awesome color changing properties. But I was too impatient/didn't actually read the info on the box until doing "research" for this post, and did not fully freeze the "ice pens."

And since non-frozen ice is water and water drips on plastic, well...

My little Lady looked like a Pony Land Carrie reenactment:

So much blood! Blooooooooooooooooooooooooood!

The only way to rehabilitate Lady was to put her in the freezer to regulate her temperature!

I gave her a couple nips of the giant bottle of Jagger and tucked her in with the apple pie and frozen squash.

After a few minutes... Lady was magically transformed into a Pink Lady! (Ha...ha ha)

She loves being pink! Just look at her sass the camera!

Lady inspired me to want to take up some My Little Pony modeling myself!


If this picture doesn't scream "I'm fabulous!", it's probably screaming "I'm high on opium!":

More like high on my love for My Little Pony!

If A Silent Dance Experiment Happens, But Does Not Appear On The Internet, Does It Really Make A Sound? [Video To Make You Wish You Were Here]

On Saturday around 200-300ish people showed up in front of Faneuil Hall and hit play on their ipods at the same time.

The result was nothing short of awesome.

I mean, just take a look at the people who organized this thing. If this picture doesn't scream greatness, well then greatness has a really bad case of laryngitis and should go to a doctor to get that checked out.

[Photo courtesy of banditosmisteriosos
The hottest glasses-beret combo in town, courtesy of moi]

And now, for your viewing pleasure, check out what this place looked like to the common passerby who encountered our madness:

And here is the awesome awesome video that Banditos' film guru Nick Carlisle created and syched up to the Dance Experiment mp3:

More photos from the event can be found in the Flickr pools of: estratton, sergioni, yayrabies, and ittoku.lee

ATTENTION ALL BOSTONITES: It's Time To Dance With The Banditos Misteriosos! [Saturday! Saturday! Saturday!]

You are cordially invited to Boston's First Silent Dance Experiment, hosted by Boston's newest playmate: The Banditos Misteriosos.

Participation is easy and open to everyone! Just follow these handy directions:

1. Go to www.misteriosos.org and download the track (labeled: "Without further ado click here for the mp3", right mouse click and 'Save As') the put it on your mp3 player/burn it to CD/make a cassette tape for your Walkman.

2. Make sure your watch is synced to the correct time.

3. Get yourself to Boston on Saturday, February 23rd, wearing your most awesome sunglasses.

4. Get to Faneuil Hall by 12:50 p.m.:

View Larger Map

5. When your synced watch hits 1 p.m., press play!

6. Follow the song directions and make a scene!

It should be an amazingly fun spectacle and you might even make a few new friends in the process.

For further reading, you can head over to Bostonist.com and check out my interview with the Banditos co-founder Ethan Feuer: Banditos Misteriosos: Boston's Newest Playmates Want to (Silent) Dance With You

Also, if you're going to be in the area, hit me up in the comments and we'll meet up for drinks after the dance.

Eating White Castle Burgers May Make You A Terrorist [Harold and Kumar Return!]

Harold and Kumar are back!

And people mistake them for terrorists (because duh, pot heads are terrorists)! And they go to Guantanamo Bay! And escape! And Neil Patrick Harris will be there!

You'd think I'm joking, but we here at DivMo take pot humor very seriously. (*We* also morph from singular to plural mid-sentence to make ourselves more official sounding!)

Just check out the trailer for Harold & Kumar II: Escape from Guantanamo Bay a.ka., Exhibit A:

My only question: Why is President Bush's face melting?

And what does it say that Will Ferrell was probably too good to be their Bush?

Whatevs, I'm totes going to see this when it comes out. Lord knows I love me some good sequel.

When Does A Bad Idea Become So Bad It's Brilliant? When It Lasts Forever! [DivMo's Top 10 Most Awfsome Tattoos]

There is nothing I love more than a really good bad idea. And given that Bad Idea + Time = Ahhmazingly Bad Idea, you really can't much better bad than the permanency of a really ridiculous tattoo.

And for those who think I'm being facetious: this is coming from the girl who once picked up a boy in a dive bar on the sole virtue of his T-Rex-licking-a-mole tattoo and his tuxedo t-shirt. I am the expert of ridiculous. My love is true.

Because it's Presidents' Day, we'll get this countdown started right!

#10: Yeah, that's President Taft on his ass...

#9: Scoot or Die!

#8: The Flying Pancake

#7: Robots Riding a Unicorn in Front of a Rainbow

#6: Evil Vegetables
(Now when his mom tells him to eat his vegetables, he'll have a compelling counter-argument.)

#5: It's Totally Taco Time!
You can't deny the mighty power of the taco!

#4: Robot v. Dinosaur
I vote dinosaur, FTW.

#3:Dad's a Zombear!
I couldn't decide if I loved zombies or bears more. Best of both worlds, indeed!

#2: And then there is my new boyfriend Randy who has a unicorn with a tattoo, boobs, nipples, a gold tooth, princess hat and pizza on one arm...

#1: And a dinosaur having a hot dog and ice cream party on his other arm...

Needless to say, we are very much in love.

Though I'm pretty solidly in the 'I think I'll pass' camp when it comes to getting tattooed, if I ever were to get inked (perhaps during a mid-life crisis in my 50s), I think I'd probably go the route of the small, literary tattoo like this really well done Vonnegut tribute tattoo So It Goes:

(I'm a huge font whore and the G on the American Typewriter font she used for this tattoo is gorgeous.)

Though I think too much textiness on a tattoo ends up looking messy, if I were to get a tattoo it would be a visual representation of my favorite ee cummings poem i carry your heart with me. Either that or a zombie dinosaur on roller skates eating a corn dog. That could be pretty sweet too.

That's It, I'm Starting A Dance Crew And Bringing It To The Streets! [Bring Me My Apple-Bottom Jeans And Boots With The Fur]

Last night, I went and saw the opening night of Step Up 2: The Streets in a packed (and rowdy!) theater on the Common. My feelings on this movie can best be expressed by the following YouTube comment:

loveisinmysoul: it was the fukin sickest movies with the best moves ive ever fkn seen im my whole fkn life!!!! omg i luv step up 2!!!!
xoxoxoxo

Omg indeed! This is hands down the sickest dance movie I've ever seen. Just check out this mash-up of some of the best parts:



Unlike the original Step Up (which blows in comparison--Sorry, Meredith), this movie has no pretense of trying to fill itself with too much bothersome plot. It keeps the conflicts simple (street girl v. fancy school, fancy school crew v. street crew), and the dialogue actually has its snappy-witty moments when the characters are being flirty flirty, though it does briefly dip into the dare-to-dream movie vault of stock sentimentality: "When my mother died of cancer, it felt like the floor fell out from under me and I've been running ever since..." is the prelude to a near-kiss. Yeah, dead moms really get me hot too.

Dead moms and geeky 15 year-olds who can bust moves like little white Michael Jacksons (check out Adam Sevani as 'Moose' at 1:19 in the video)... Love love love.

It just makes me want to bust out my apple bottom jeans and dance!

So, who wants in on my crew?

The Only Thing More Cliched Than Valentine's Day Is Hating Valentine's Day [Get Over Yourself And Go Hug Someone]

I am not one to shirk my God-given responsibility to celebrate all holidays, and the good Lord created V. Day for me because He knows I love the tackiest of cheese!

So, Happy V.D. Everyone!

By reading these words, you have contractually agreed to be my valentine! But you're in luck, because I'm an awesome valentine. Just check out the gift I made you! (N.B.: You really should click on the valentine to see it in its full-screen glory.)

No magical creatures were harmed in the making of this valentine (though I worry for the safety of that bubble baby those dolphins are playing with), but some copyrights might have been infringed (don't sue me Lisa Frank!) and good taste was definitely offended. So a success all around in my book!

And because everything's better with music, I now present...

Bailey's Valentine's Day Video Playlist!!! (And nary an emo kid in sight!)

1. Outkast -- Happy Valentine's Day
2. The Magnetic Fields -- How Fucking Romantic
3. Death From Above 1979 -- Sexy Results
4. Ryan Adams -- Gonna Make You Love Me (with pigs!)
5. Ashlee Simpson -- Pieces of Me (For Kevin)
6. The Blow -- Parenthesis
7. Sufjan Stevens -- The Dress Looks Nice on You
8.Death Cab for Cutie -- Transatlanticism
9. Cat Stevens -- How Can I Tell You
10. The Magnetic Fields -- The Book of Love

And now, before I let you go, my thoughts on "true love." (Yeah, you're not getting away that easily, Valentine!)

Questionable grammar aside (what? did "he/she can go fuck him- or herself" take up too much space or something?), I'm totally on board with the always awesome someecards.

Bitter singles out there, take heart: In my book, "true love" is a really really bad idea. Talk about high, unrealistic expectations! One person is going to be able to give you all the emotional, mental, sexual, and spiritual nourishment you need in your life? I mean I really love iced coffee, but that doesn't mean it's the only thing I should ever consume. (Trust me, I've had a day or two where I tried and I still haven't gotten all the claw marks out of the ceiling yet...)

And while I'm on a roll (and caffeinated), let's also consider the immense shittiness of finding your "true love" and then happily pronouncing that all your relationships with family, friends, etc. were something lesser, a smaller version of "true." I've seen it happen. And it's really sad to see someone give up on cultivating the other relationships in their life because they've found "true love."

I'm too lovable for "true love." It takes a whole crazy village to love me properly, full of family, friends and you internet stalkers who make my Google Analytics graphs look so cheery. So on this arbitrarily special day, I'm sending you all my virtual love.

And to warm your hearts before I let you go, here is Love is Inbarsing (Embarrasing) a picture book written by a small adorable child about the kindergarten dating scene. Though she got a better response from the object of her affection than I did when my kindergarten crush Stephen Mumbert took the heart I drew him on a piece of paper and threw it in the trash. (If you're Googling yourself Stephen, shame on you!)

Okay, so maybe a *little* bitterness on V. Day is unavoidable...

But I still heart you all.

Racism Will Totally Ruin Your Clothes [I Heart Canadians and Their PS-eh?s]

Reason #3,235 I love Canadians: They make killer PSAs. This "Anti-Racism Girl" PSA was created by students at Oak Park High School in Winnipeg, Canada as part of their celebration of the UN designated International Day for the Elimination of Discrimination (March 21). (Hat tip to Boing Boing)



And here's another great Canadian PSA gem from the Concern Children's Advertisers. (I use this advice on all my first dates!*)



And for a little compare and contrast, check out this Irish commercial about the importance of paying attention. Fair warning, I first saw this 4 years ago when I was living in Ireland and the memory of seeing it for the first time still scars me to this day. Enjoy!



Lest you think all Canadian PSAs are happyfuzzybunnykittens, I've found one about kitchen safety and the burning potential of grease that's so disturbing, I'm going to leave it behind this text for the bravest to click.


* haha who am I kidding? I don't date!

A Little Music To Warm Your Cold Emo Heart [Mustache Rides For Everyone!]

As it is Monday--a day when everything sucky just sucks that much more--I was completely prepared to hole up in my mental grumpy space, swilling my Hater-ade when I stumbled upon the video for Panic (sans !) at the Disco's time-bending new single "9 in the Afternoon."

Lord knows nothing cheers up my bad moods like emo kids! Especially when said emo kids are channeling the Beatles circa Sargent Pepper. And throw a parade! Where everyone has mustaches! Even the ladies! I don't know what's more heart warming than a lady mustache!

To wit:

Well, at least I'm feeling a little better.

Now let's throw a parade!

My Plastic Alter-Ego [Shattering Your Self-Image Against Rocks of Melancholy]

After watching my friend Tina's directing thesis last night--an awesome reproduction of Ionesco's A Frenzy for Two, which featured 72 massacred Barbie dolls--my friends and I began discussing which kind of Barbie dolls we'd be, if our personalities were molded and mass-produced in plastic stereotyped proportions.

Other friends were easier to decide: Fun Fashion Barbie, Serious Director Barbie, Happy Fuzzy Dance Barbie. But me... ah? "Collaborative" Barbie? "Writer" Barbie? Nothing really fit.

I was afraid my personality was doomed to be un-Barbifiable forever. But when I saw this "commercial," I knew I had finally met my plastic alter-ego.

Fun bonus fact: According to the end credits, one of the little girls in that clip is named Bailey! It's like totally fate. A tragic, morose fate that I will ponder over some Joy Division and a bottle of sleeping pills...

Good News for People Who Like Good TV! [And Movies!]

Not only is the Writers Strike pretty much over, but Jason Bateman has confirmed that there are talks to make an Arrested Development movie!

"I can confirm that a round of sniffing has started," Bateman says. "Any talk is targeting a poststrike situation, of course. I think, as always, that it's a question of whether the people with the money are willing to give our leader, Mitch Hurwitz, what he deserves for his participation. And I can speak for the cast when I say our fingers are crossed."

Woo hoo! Below is the MSNBC coverage of the announcement:

I would so buy the souvenir cornballer!

In Defense of A Cult Classic [One of Us! One of Us!]

This morning the horoscope that greeted me on my iGoogle homepage told me I was "fighting a rising tide of resentment." O RLY?

While it's true, I'm slogging my way through a cold by mixing coffee with the prescription baby speed I got during my last near-death experience (I'm currently typing this post with one hand while hanging from the heating vent above my cube... weeeeee!). AAAAnd to add insult to injury, I'm nursing a nasty paper cut on my left thumb from an unpaid bill in my purse. Damn you bill for being so humorously apropos in your pain-giving.

But as annoying as my own health maladies are, a few rough waves do not add up to a rising tide of resentment. That was until I read an article on Bostonist trash-talking one of my favorite movies of all time: Harold & Maude.

Apparently, The Brattle is hosting a 6-day lead up to Valentines Day by featuring a bunch of romantic movies. And this is the horrific treatment Harold & Maude was subjected to:

"Best Screening to Attend in a Hearse. Don't take a new lover to see Harold and Maude (screening Friday) unless he or she is sullen and aged 18-20. The rest of us find Hal Ashby's 1971 dark comedy prohibitively depressing, even if Cat Stevens does want us to Sing Out."

Did I mention one of the side-effects of these magic decongestant pills is fantastic irritability? Yeah, I forgot when I took one this morning too.

So what did my horoscope suggest I do with my "wave of resentment"? "Share your unspoken dilemma with a trustworthy friend or send your deepest secrets in an email to yourself and then ritually delete it to release the unresolved tension."

If that isn't a call to blogging-arms, I don't know what is.

So screw you Harold & Maude haters! It's a great movie! Not only because it is scored by one of my all-time favorite musicians, Cat Stevens, but because it's f*in hilarious. And so romantic. And for those freaked out by the huge age gap, you don't know what love is!!! (Haha, OK, so maybe that's the angry pills talking.)

But seriously, anyone coming out of that movie thinking it was "prohibitively depressing" was not paying attention. True Harold is faking his suicide left and right all over that movie (suicide=hilarious), but the whole point of the movie is that his relationship with Maude teaches him how to stop being so fucking emo and just live. (And if you were really paying attention, you'd notice the subtle scene where you see Maude's got a concentration camp number tattooed on her arm, which is never discussed but adds this intense higher layer to her joie-de-vivre personality.)

So. There.

/rant

Whew! That was fun. For those of you who have no clue what I'm ranting about, here's the 2nd trailer released for the movie back in 1971:

And for those in the Cambridge area this Friday night (I'm sadly out of town), you should definitely drag your S.O./friends/small dogs in purses, to check it out on the big screen.

Bonnaroo 2008 Lineup Announced [Zeppelin To Play Bonnaroo, As Girls]

The big Bonnaroo lineup announcement was made today. And though I'm decidedly NOT a big fan of either Pearl Jam or Metallica, I'm also not a huge fan of going to the big headlining concerts at Bonnaroo anyway.

This year brings more metal (Metallica, Mastodon) and more mainstream hip hop (Kanye, Talib Kweli, Lupe Fiasco) to Bonnaroo than ever before. Not to mention the indie bands that will draw all the hipsters (Vampire Weekend, Black Kids, M.I.A.) and the jammier bands (O.A.R., Jack Johnson, The Bluegrass Allstars, Yonder Mountain String Band) to satisfy the hippies, though shockingly no Widespread Panic this year to close out the festivities.

So, who am I excited to see? (Listed in order of excitement, stars by bands I've seen before)

!!!
Kanye West
Sigur Ros
The Allman Brothers Band
Iron & Wine*
B.B. King
The Raconteurs*
Death Cab for Cutie*
Talib Kweli*
Gogol Bordello*
Broken Social Scene
Ozomatli
Mastadon
Lupe Fiasco
Battles

Apparently there is a Zeppelin playing Bonnaroo: Lez Zeppelin! Huh?

After a little Googling, I've discovered it's an all-girl Zeppelin cover band. Haha. Awesome.

The full list is below and also on the Bonnaroo website.

Pearl Jam
Metallica
Jack Johnson*
Kanye West
Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
Phil Lesh & Friends
My Morning Jacket*
The Allman Brothers Band
The Raconteurs*
Willie Nelson
Death Cab for Cutie*
B.B. King
Sigur Ros
Levon Helm and the Ramble on the Road
Ben Folds*
O.A.R.
The Bluegrass Allstars Feat. Luke Bulla, Sam Bush, Jerry Douglas, Bela
Fleck, Edgar Meyer and Bryan Sutton
M.I.A.
Umphrey’s McGee*
Iron & Wine*
Yonder Mountain String Band
Swell Season
Talib Kweli*
Derek Trucks & Susan Tedeschi’s Soul Stew Revival
Gogol Bordello*
Broken Social Scene
Robert Randolph’s Revival
Rilo Kiley*
Mastodon
Lupe Fiasco
Against Me!*
Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings
Pat Green
Ozomatli
Tegan & Sara
Solomon Burke
Drive-By Truckers
!!!
The Avett Brothers
Israel Vibration
Abigail Washburn & the Sparrow Quartet featuring Bela Fleck
Phil Lesh / Larry Campbell / Jackie Greene
Aimee Mann*
Ladytron
The Fiery Furnaces
Orchestra Baobab
Ghostland Observatory
Jose Gonzalez
Dark Star Orchestra
Minus the Bear
Donavon Frankenreiter
Lez Zeppelin
State Radio
Battles
Jakob Dylan
Two Gallants
The Sword
Vampire Weekend
Little Feat
Nicole Atkins
The Felice Brothers
Mason Jennings
MGMT
The Lee Boys
Black Kids
Serena Ryder
Steel Train
Grupo Fantasma
Back Door Slam

Bonnaroo Comedy:
David Cross
Janeane Garofalo
Zach Galifianakis
Jim Norton
Brian Posehn
Mike Birbiglia
John Mulaney
Michelle Buteau

Happy Super Duper Fat Tuesday! [Now Go Vote Or Show Your Tits Or Eat Something!]

For those of you living in the 24 states (and American Samoa) that are holding primaries or playing kindergarten-style 4-corners to determine the next Dem and Repub nods, Happy Super Duper Tuesday!

Now go vote for someone! And if you show your tits at the polling booth you might even get some beads to go along with your "I voted" sticker. Either that or you'll get arrested. But it will be a great story either way!

DivMo is throwing it's support behind Obama for Prez for fabulously DivMo-ian reasons like:

1. He's sexy. Just ask Google. ("Obama sexy" = 734,000 hits. "Hillary Clinton sexy"? Gets you 471,000.)

2. He loves DivMo. See:

3. He has an awesome campaign logo.

4. Pete Wentz supports him and I must obey my emo overlords.

5. Perez Hilton is rooting for Hillary. 'Nuf said.

But seriously, go vote! Especially if you have a more informed political opinion than DivMo. This is history people! Vote for whomever you please!* If you don't have any clue, show up anyway and write me in! It's how I won Senior Class Secretary (by surprise) in college.

If you're living in Mass., check out Where Do I Vote? to find out your polling location.

*As long as it's not for a Republican. And if you HAVE to vote Republican, please God don't pick Huckabee... or Mitler...

Crazy People Jump Into The Atlantic In The Middle Of February To Show Punxsutawney Phil Who's The Boss [Winter Is The New Tony Danza]

This Saturday, I had the distinct pleasure of witnessing 100s of crazy people in costumes run into the Atlantic Ocean. In Massachusetts. In mid-February. I think it had something to do with showing up that stupid groundhog and raising money for charity. But mostly I think it was about dressing in costumes and being crazy. Two things I approve of way more than rodents and charities.

I wrote up the event for Bostonist, and since I'm nothing if not a lazy blogger, I'm going to make you click through to their site to read the full article. Though I can promise there is at least one Bill Murray reference. And nothing beats a Bill Murray reference. Not even a video of Bill Murray beating himself with a stick. Though that would come pretty close.

Read all about it: Drowned Hogs Day: Groundhogs Aren't The Only Ones Proving Winter's Cold

Since my DivMo audience ain't so hot for reading words, here are some of my favorite pictures from the event.
(FYI: This is the face of the new Dunkin Donut campaign. Burgerhead > Rachel Ray.)


You can check out my full set of pics (with commentary!) over on my Facebook Drowned Hogs! album.