Figure 1: Proper Christmas Tree Disposal
I know, I know, you spent HOURS on your card: From meticulously selecting the most PC-Happy Winter Solstice greeting on the rack, to the hours agonizing over the flat hair to red eye ratio of the family photo. And all that work just to get thrown in the trash!If only there were a way to make a holiday card photo that was so memorable your friends and family would treasure it for years to come!
Never fear friends! There is a way! There is a jolly fat man who is immensely popular with children and adults alike, who can help you solve all your problems. No, not Santa Claus, Sillies! I'm talking about Perez Hilton.
If you really want next year's holiday card to get the notice and adoration it deserves, all you need to do is break out the white MS Paint and get to scrawling obscenities!
That darling but forgettable photograph of Gran and Gramps? With a spliff and a floating cock, turn a tragic glimpse into human decay into a total gigglefest!
What about that romantic shot of Cousin Ellie's winter wedding? You can be the first to say 'I told you so' in the new year!
Sister Gina's graduating in this tanking economy? Good thing we didn't have high hopes for her to being with!
Just another shot of your cute kids playing on the beach? Make a statement about body image in this world's media obsessed culture and that photo will stay up on fridges all year long!
Uncle Jerry may not have asked to be public outed in the family Christmas card when he posed with Skittles, but his mustache certainly did!
Just look at grandbaby Emma's eyes. Like they didn't see this one coming!
Remember folks, these aren't pictures to be seen then promptly thrown away, you're making memories that will last a lifetime!*Don't forget to include me on your 2009 Christmas list!
*in family therapy costs
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