Hot New Blog to Watch: Rageoline and Company [Your Daily Diversion]

Every five seconds a new blog is born. It's a fact. (Just count to twenty and then go look it up on Wikipedia; I'm still editing the entry about it now.)

But how do you decide what to read? How will you know what's worth your while!?!?!

First off, I'd say calm down drama queen. You're cut off from any more coffee this morning.

And second off, I'd say I'll tell you what to read! You are on my blog and therefore, I get to tell you what to do. And I'm telling you to read Rageoline & Company. It's a new blog written by some very angry and very funny Boston-based folk.* And it's soon to be all the rage! (Zing!!!)

I mean just look at this picture of rage. Hilarious, no?

Hilarious, yes!

So what did Rageoline decide to focus her snark-beams on for her first target of derision?

Flan! 'Natch.

Flan is so dumb, it doesn't even have a page on Wikipedia. Take that, flan. I don't really even understand what it is, and I've eaten it. It's a strange color and the texture is disgusting. If you've ever eaten flan, you will know that it also has an oozing liquid, which leaks out of the side of it. This reminds me of fruit on the bottom yogurt, where you have that extra yogurt juice, which isn't quite yogurt, and doesn't really resemble any of the fruit from the bottom. I know you know which juice I'm referring to...

How can you argue with mystery juices? You just can't!

So speaketh me: "Read it. Love it. Rage on party dudes!"


*Myself potentially included on that list. Identities changed to protect the snarky.

It's DivMo's Birthday, Uh! Happy Birthday, Uh! And They Said It Wouldn't Last! [OK, They Didn't, But I Couldn't Resist The Michael Jackson Reference]

That's right, exactly 1 year ago today, Diverted Motion was born! Who knew the internet would even exist a year later, let alone that I would still be writing on it!? (In it? Ew.)

But here we are friends. And oh, what a year it's been! Who's surprised my top posts for the year are comprised of phallic weathermen, a lesson in making fake-ids, social network suicide, and lesbian Golden Girls? Or that my top 3 traffic-generating search terms are "lezby," "Jonas Brothers suck," and "how to make a fake id"? DivMo was founded on the principle of catering to sexual, musical, and legal deviants, so I consider these traffic findings a sign of a job well (deviantly)-done!

And to celebrate our 1st year together, I brought cake!

And 2 dogs fighting over a pinata!

And a Birthday Faery from the same Angelfire gif factory where FiHo was born.


And because no DivMo post could be complete without a really crappy YouTube video, here is the most pixeltastic tribute to birth I could find (and it only took me a two second-search! Thanks YouTube.)



You think DivMo's naughty now, wait 'til we hit the terrible twos!

Life Without Garfield Is Totes Postmodern, Tragic [Like My Constant Usage Of The "Word" "Totes" In Sentences]

This is not the first encounter DivMo's had with Garfield the cat (and no I'm not talking of the fat, Italian variety). There is something about the World's Most Syndicated Comic Strip that makes it infinitely more entertaining when set to live-action video-reenactment or, in the case of my new favorite internet find Garfield Minus Garfield, when Garfield is removed from the strip entirely:

Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness in a quiet American suburb.

Um, genius! Here are 3 of my favorites, though the whole site is full of these hilaritragic gems:

Button, Button, Who's Got The Button? [This Kid!]

I've told you before about the proven awesomeness of Google Reader and other RSS feed readers, but now I have the sausage to go with that sizzle. Just check out those hot pink waves of glory emanating from little FiHo's head. ----->

Thanks to the gracious genius of Mr. Kevin Michael Keating, I now have a hot little button of my own! So, subscribe to me! I promise we'll soon be returning to our regularly scheduled daily blogging program when I stop being in rehearsals and performances every night of the week.

But until then... I'm proud to announce my Improv Boston graduate sketch show, "Help You, Help Me" is sold out tonight!!! And last Wednesday's show kicked major ass, if I do say so myself! (Which I just did because ah, I am myself. Is it physically possible to 'say so' for someone else? Maybe if you're Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost....er... Get well, Patrick Swayze!)

If you're in Boston and free on Wednesday, March 19th at 7:30 p.m. you should go buy tickets to my sketch show now. As of this posting, there were only 13 seats left!

DivMo Gets A Little Work Done In Time For The Holiday Season!

This holiday season, DivMo has succumbed to the major Hollywood pressure to get a little work done. It's a subtle, tasteful job--nothing overboard--but we've decided to be honest about it all the same. Unlike Ms. Mmhmm, I'll Deviate Your Septum You Little Liar, we are not ashamed to come out with the truth.

If you take a look at the handy-dandy column to your right, you notice an updated bio (akin to some light Botoxing and some lip plumping--just to refresh the face of the site a little). And underneath that wikipedia-worthy entry, you will find the most dramatic change to the site (hello, rhinoplasty!), a section I titled: What I'm Reading (be afraid).

Due to the incredible magic that is my Google Reader, I am now able to share with all of you the highlights (er... OK, lowlights) of all the things I've been reading on the internet recently. (Like Jacko's melting face, giant fake hands to hold your baby, a website taking bets on when Amy Winehouse kicks it...) All the important news on the internet, natch.

And for those of you technophobes out there (of both the shitty music and the rapidly advancing technology that produces it), I implore you to put aside your fears (at least on the computer end of things) and try out Google Reader--or a similar RSS reader. Feed readers are a lazy procrastinator's best friend (and if you're here reading this site, that definitely means you).

All you have to do is subscribe to your favorite internet sites (or at least the ones that have RSS-feeds set up--which are most these days), and instead of having to URL your way around the internet to find new posts, the Google Reader spiders are released into the etherweb and bring all that information to you!

Now you don't have to spend your days refreshing your favorite celeb blog for the latest gibberish rant! You just open your reader and that LOLcat-meets-haiku-meets-emo-wangst is right there waiting for you!

Not to mention the awfsome* offerings of your all-time. favorite. blog. EVER.


*My new favorite word ever--or at least for the moment--way way cooler than w00t 4sho.

Because One Blog Isn't Enough, I Now Present: Doodles From A Meeting

Momma's got a brand-new blog!

Doodles From A Meeting

After going through several sheets of paper ah, "taking notes" during a never-ending lunch meeting, inspiration struck:

If blogging is the best way to entertain yourself while stuck in the office and doodling is the best way to entertain yourself when stuck in a meeting, then blogging about doodling has to be the most entertaining thing you could do (while still being completely bored)!!!

It's brilliant; I know.

And it will be more brilliant when you start submitting your doodles and make all your friends submit theirs as well.

Because you know what a blog full of my doodles is going to start looking like:

Hyping The Machine: Our Favorite Music Blog Aggregator Gets A New Fall Look

The Hype Machine--a go-to site for all things music on the internets--officially debuted it's new fall look today. After shutting down the site yesterday and claiming they wouldn't reopen their doors until 10,000 people were simultaneously sitting on their doorstep begging to come in, the Hype folks finally gave in to temptation sometime this morning and let everyone in with this explanation:

Long story short: we wanted to punctuate the release of the New Hype Machine with something unusual. Inviting 10,000 strangers to watch that moment together fit the bill. We spent lots of long nights looking over all the details and getting the service ready for you. And so we wanted everyone to know about it and see it. So that’s what we were thinking.

To those who joined us and waited - THANK YOU. At 5:23PM EST we had a whopping 3888 people watching. Thank you for putting up with us, even while the service was not available.

Looking over the data now, we’d hit 10,000 if we keep the site closed for 39 more hours. That, however, is simply too long to wait.

Though it was an interesting ploy to create hype (ha!) for their site, it looks like their goal was a little too lofty (10,000 non-simultaneous hits or lowering it to 5,000 at once probably would have been better bets). And I'm glad they gave in because I was getting antsy to see the new design.

My favorite feature (at least of the ones that are currently working) is the radio that plays tracks generated from what the mp3 blogs are currently posting. It also has a chat feature so people can say things like OMG! I lurv this band!! or OMG! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!

Though currently, most people are using the chat to complain about the new layout, since fankid freakout is mandatory whenever a site launches its latest and greatest. (See below for embedded text transcript--cool feature--my handle is scor24pio.)

Though the site is prone to freaking out and crashing more than is really functional at the moment, I attribute that to first day of school jitters and have faith they'll iron out the kinks in a few days. And until then, at least they have a badass error message to entertain me:


Go check it out for yourselves and tell me what you think!

Happy Blog Action Day: Doing My Part To Save The Environment One Dick Joke At A Time

Today is Blog Action Day, the purpose of which is to get bloggers talking about the environment:

"On October 15th, bloggers around the web will unite to put a single important issue on everyone’s mind - the environment. Every blogger will post about the environment in their own way and relating to their own topic. Our aim is to get everyone talking towards a better future.Blog Action Day is about MASS participation. That means we need you!"

What got me thinking was their advice on how to get blogging about the environment:

"Your post can be about anything to do with the environment... What works best is to keep writing as you normally would. Your audience reads your blog for a reason, you don't need to suddenly change your voice, style or emphasis. Simply find an angle on your regular postings which relates to the environment."

"Anything" you say?

Since yesterday's sports post was more about half-naked Scott Bakulas and leather daddies than sports, DivMo's proportional response to the weighty environmental issue is to post the following picture:

Here's a perfect example of standing in the wrong place at the wrong time while delivering the weather in front of the Doppler blue screen. Kids, really, do not try this at home without adult supervision.

But seriously folks, let's all try to do something decent for the environment today. Because I love fall and it's a damn shame we're already halfway through October and it's just starting to cool down now.

(I'm going to recycle the two cans sitting on my desk! Woo!)

Another way I plan on helping the environment today is to just say no to Carrot Top. I'm not exactly sure how he's damaging the environment, but looking like that cannot be making Mother Earth very happy.


[Pic courtesy of my father. Thanks Dad!]

Meta Live Blogging The VMAs

Because all the cool blogs (BWE, Idolator, Stereogum) are liveblogging MTV's VMAs, I've decided to live blog the live blogging of the VMAs (does your head hurt yet? I bet mine will soon enough). Here you'll find all my favorite snark from my favorite snarkers (with some of my own gems in the mix):

The Preshow Quotables:

BWE, Alex Blagg:
8:02 - Since when did Pete Wentz, the bassist, become the spokesman for Fall Out Boy? He’s telling us about his uberhip moonlighting gig as a “DJ”. When he wants to make the club “go off” he either plays Justin Timberlake or Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’”. And there you have it: Journey is THE bangin’ club band of the summer.

Me: It wouldn't hurt to let my personal FOB fav, Patrick do some more talking, though hearing Bon Jovi is the other club slayer when Pete djs hurts my soul.

BWE, Alex Blagg:
8:42 - Hahahaha, Paris Hilton got her hair cut like Hillary Clinton.

Me: HAHA. Amazing.

The Show

Me, 9:00: On Britney. Holy crap. Zombie with a bad weave in a sparkly bikini. But maybe even more tasteless than having Britney perform is to have Sarah Silverman come out and make a bunch of stupid jokes about Britney. Is she really hosting? God I hope not. She's talking about diarrhea now? Where's the hook? I think Sarah was actually more painful to watch than Britney. At least Britney's performance was sad/funny, not just sad. Thank god this show is only airing once.

BWE, on Britney:
9:00 - It’s Britney Bitch! No. Actually, it’s some chunky soccer mom who’s pooped out a couple of kids but is wearing a glitter bikini anyway, stumbling around the stage, lip-synching a little, but otherwise utterly f*cking confused about what, exactly, she’s supposed to be doing right now. This is sad, like someone doing Karaoke who just forgot the lyrics and isn’t really sure what they’re supposed to be doing. The cutaway shots to the celebs in the crowd are only making this more painful to watch. Britney’s back, bitch! Or not really.

Stereogum, on Britney:
9:02Wow, she's not even trying to feign singing. Her lip syncing is almost as bad as her weave.
9:07Wow Sarah. Way to use those stretched lips to suck all the air out of the room.

Idolator, on Sarah Silverman:
9:04 p.m. Sarah Silverman is bombing too! Oh my God this whole night is going to be me laughing at people not laughing!
9:06 p.m. SOMEONE SET US UP THE BOMB THAT IS THIS SHOW. Sarah Silverman just made a diarrhea joke. Oh my God.

Me, 9:11: Haha I'm thinking it was no mistake Pete Wentz's mic was cut off during his whole spot about The Friends & Enemies Lounge. Ohh I hope FOB wins the first award!!! (oh boo Rihanna won)

BWE, 9:11: Pete Wentz’s microphone isn’t working as he tries to tell us how “hot and rad and poppin” his party suite is. He’s never sounded quite so eloquent.

Me, 9:15: Thank god for Kanye, the most lively performance of the night! And they, um... cut to commercial? Wtf? And then Akon is performing and they begin announcing over it.

Me, 9,22: HAHA I love Seth Rogan. Trying to encourage the kids to text in for the Best New Artist award by not voting for the people you want to lose the award. The VMAs are for losers, indeed!

Me, 9:25: Okay, had to pause to watch Fall Out Boy. Ah, Patrick. Hearts! Though I'm really not digging this half-the song thing MTV has going on.

Idolator (thinking the same thing) 9:25 p.m. Wait and now it's Fall Out Boy! With these really awkward camera angles and maybe half the song and I guess you actually have to go to the Internet to see the whole thing. Because God forbid this whole thing be about music, right?

Me, 9:30: Another half-way through a song cut to a concert. This time Foo Fighters. This style makes me feel like I've walked in to the middle of a party. Why can't they just give us the whole fucking performance. Nice to know MTV is now run by 60-something executives who all sat around a fucking boardroom and decided this was the best way for them to market to the ADD generation. Blech.

BWE, 9:32 - MTV is the Britney Spears of television networks, and tonight ain’t gonna make either of them any more relevant. This is a disaster.

Me, 9:33: Aww, Kanye stands on his toes to see 50 in the eyes. Now if this were a real hip hop beef guns would be drawn and this show would actually be interesting.

Me, 9:36: God, Maroon 5. Okay, I take back complaining about the announcers talking over the performances to advertise for their sponsors.

Me, 9:45: Chris Brown is Charlie Chaplin? Puppet Hitler? Awesome. I wonder when the announcer is going to start talking over him about Neutrogena products. Bonus points for using an umbrella as a giant erection when Rihanna walked on stage, Chris. Now for an homage to Michael Jackson in front of a giant MTV sign. Yeah, I remember when MTV was relevant. It was the 80s and I was 2.

Missed Britney? Stereogum put it up for you.

My roommate switched it to Family Guy. Not sure I have the energy/desire to ask him to change it back...

Me, 9:55: And the Hills girls are on. God, I should ask him to turn back to the Family Guy... Another award for JT. Shocker. HAHA. Timbaland takes the award, and then re-presents it. Ohh there should be a dance off between JT and Chris Brown. Scary to hear 20-something JT say he's feeling old. YES! JT "Play more damn videos!" Amazingly appropriate in front of these Hills trollups.

Me, 10:05: Lebeouf! Rocking a Muniz. Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Do we care? Umm... Anyone? Haha. And apparently no one gives a shit about picking up Fergie's award either. You KNOW your in trouble when Queen of the Butterfaces is too cool to attend your award show. Lebeouf just takes it for himself. The apathy is palpable.

BWE, 10:06 - It’s the mooooootherf*ckiiiiiiing LEBEOUF! AND HE IS SPORTING A LEBEOUFSTACHE! AND HE JUST TOLD US THE NAME OF THE NEW INDIANA JONES FLICK! Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull With LEBEOUF, here I come! Suck it, Ludacris - LeBeouf is taking your award!

Stereogum, 10:10: Female artist of the year: Fergie! Is she even a woman? Ludacris refused to stand. He's got an erection.

Me, 10:17: If only I could just be hanging out in FOB's suite... at least they look like they're having fun. Oh god, now Timbaland is going to show us what he does... with Linkin Park?!? Why am I not drinking?

BWE, 10:17 - The “Friends or Enemies” Fall Out Boy Suckfest Party is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I wish we could be in the Creative Conference Room with the monkeys that devised this show. It would be adorable, like watching a puppy chase its tail, or a retarded kitten terrified by a ball of yarn. This is hopeless. I don’t know how much longer I can hang on…

Me, 10:23: Best Group is up... as long as it's not Maroon 5, I'm happy. YAY FOB! The Easter Bunny presents it and Patrick is wearing... a plastic mountain on his head? Brilliant.

BWE, 10:25 - And Fall Out Boy wins the statue prize for “Best Group”. But best group of what? Best group of shopping mall cliches? Best group of insufferable douchedragons with expensive haircuts? Best group of dudes content to allow themselves to be dismissed so the “good-looking one” can take credit for the measly amount of “art” they’ve managed to produce? Either way, they WIN!

Me, 10:31: Ohh Rihanna doing 'Shut Up and Drive' with FOB. Sweet. Too bad it got cut off. But at least it's to hear Seth Rogen and Bill Hader call Kid Rock a loser. Could this show actually be getting better? Not that that's saying very much.

Idolator, 10:30 p.m. OK it's Fall Out Boy backing Rihanna on "Shut Up And Drive" and this might be the first watchable moment of the evening.

Me, 10:36: Alicia Keys busting out the George Michael "Freedom." Reminding us again of the days when MTV was relevant. It's the glitziest eulogy I've ever seen.

Me, 10:44: Jamie Foxx is talking about a Tommy Lee vs. Kid Rock slapfest "They were fighting like black people!" And now he's beatboxing while she's trying to talk. Is he drunk? I hope so! And what about this fight that we missed. Of course the most entertaining shit (like Tommy Lee and Kid Rock slapping the hell of each other) is off camera... Ohh best new artist! Let's go PB&J!

...And the best new group... "Gym Class Fall Out"? Hahaha. Nice to see Jennifer Garner's in touch with the kid's music these days. Travis' acceptance speech is chugging his booze. Very fitting. Remind me again why I'm not drinking.

BWE, 10:45 - Jamie Foxx managed to say 12,954 words in a coke-fueled tour-de-force attention-grabbing promo-rant before Jennifer Garner was able to squeeze in a single audible sound. And all 12,954 words were the name and release date of their new movie. This has to be some kind of world record. And Jennifer Garner is so overwhelmed by this mind-blowing display, she give an award to Gym Class Fallout, which is somehow poetic.

Me, 10:48: Miss South Fucking Carolina announcing something and making fun of her speech by sounding retarded... on purpose? I don't think you're allowed to make fun of yourself if you still don't understand the words coming out of your mouth. This show has officially entered hell.

BWE, 10:48 - That braindead beauty queen from South Carolina sacrifices her dignity even further, and publicly degrades herself and our culture just a little bit more in order to squeeze out a few topical laughs for this snoozefest of an awards program. Sad.

Me, 10:56: Is this over yet? Haha. Mary J just called 50 cent, "50 cents." Dr. Dre, are you here to put this show out of its misery? And now, Video of the Year... why does the screen layout look like a bad DVD menu screen? Don't they pay people to design this shit? Oh, and Rihanna won.

Haha. P.Diddy and Young Joc laughing it up about Kid Rock and Tommy Lee's slapfest "Stop the Violence in Rock and Roll!" While we're at it, let's stop the irrelevance too.

Last performance of the night and it's over! Nelly's falsetto makes dogs howl. Yow! This show won't be over until it extracts every last bit of pain from the experience. Please JT save me. I'm not going to lie, fundamental grammar issues aside, I kinda dig "The Way I Are."

Annnd... It's over!

Final Thoughts:

BWE, 11:05 - And so everything comes full circle with our old “wine and anti-depressenty” friend Nelly Furtado doing some kind of Cirque du Soleil performance art piece with Justin Timberlake and a bunch of Vegas cabaret girls. I’d like to thank all of you for reading, suffering and commenting along with me tonight, and I’d like to thank MTV for being so amazingly in touch with what’s hip and relevant to 11 year-old gay boys in Iowa. Until next year!

Stereogum, 11:06: So the special performance stars Nelly's poor choice of dress, Timbaland's beef pipes, the people's champ JT, and possibly that girl who won the phoneathon to sing with JT during the Grammys. Justin's dancing. Anybody know where Chris Brown is?

Idolator, 11:08 p.m. Joe: "Is this the finale or the postscript?"
11:09 p.m. Come on. 'N Sync reunion. It needs to happen now.
11:10 p.m. Joe: "This is like 'rich people having fun and being drunk while all of you poor people are at home and angry and being drunk.' "

Me, 11:14: Not sure I have the stamina to sit through the sycophantic post-show recap. If I hadn't been spending most of my "watching" meta-blogging, I'm not sure I would have survived.

Oh snap. I thought they said they were only going to play this once? Then what the fuck is Britney doing on my tv restarting the show? Ahhhhhhh I cry uncle!!!

Freedom to Protest Farting on Airlines: Or Why Cary Tennis Should Be Your Favorite Writer Too

If you've never checked out Cary Tennis' Since You Asked column in Salon, consider this my plea--nay, demand!--that you to do so immediately. Upon first launching into the dark unknown of the blogosphere with my Google Reader's engines pinging away, Cary's column was one of the few stars I found myself orbiting around more than once. Now I find I can't miss his answer to a single question whether it be what to do when you realize you've stopped doing your job, how to deal with an intense hatred of buzzwords, or what it means when a man farts in your face on a crowded airplane and you say nothing.

That's right, Cary Tennis deals with the tough topics--the farts in your face--pulling from the (pungent) air greater truths than the questioner ever imagined learning. Take for example, his response to the airplane question:

But let us get beyond the farting, the rudeness, the olfactory assault, my fellow passengers, and ask the larger question: Are we not sitting idly by every day as powerful people fart in our faces with impunity? Is there not a terrible stink in the national air about which we are saying nothing? Why are we filled with outrage and yet unable to raise our voices in protest? Are we not feeling mute and discouraged in our daily lives as we watch the news? Why is that? Is it because we feel vulnerable to the commands of the captain, fearful of being incarcerated if we raise a stink, pardon the pun, fearful of the consequences if we simply call attention publicly to the fact that a man is standing in the aisle farting in our faces?

Every day a new question, every question another attempt at seeing life's bigger picture. It's amazing really, the work that he does. There is no ivory tower here, no shack on a Greek isle completely removed from his audience while he creates his work. No, Tennis rides the bus like the rest of us: face pressed up against the window, teaching us how to focus our eye on the once-blurred beauty before us.

The Inverse Ratio of Snot to Bloggocity

Blogger Rule #1: Don't blog/whine (bline? whog?) about being sick
Blogger Rule #2: Don't post about why you aren't posting more
Blogger Rule #3: No one cares how crazy work is getting
Blogger Rule #4: Umm... rules are for losers
Blogger Rule #5: But graphs are pretty badass


And you'd think I'd have enough of playing with graphs at my day job. You gotta love the web 2.0 gradient sexiness I got going on there, though.

There will be more posting and less snot soon, I promise.

Bonus points if anyone can explain to me the purpose of that graph template, because whoa.

If you dig graphs, you should check out emo+beer=busted career. (Bailey+emo=bff4eva, obvi! <3s!)

Passive-Aggressive Notes: The Next Big Thing Since The Ironic T-Shirt?

Passive-Aggression is so hot right now. Why bloody your hands when you can kill 'em with kindness and a well-placed post-it note full of thinly-veiled threats and "that would be great!s"?

So imagine my joy at discovering my new favorite diversion: Passive-Aggressive Notes From Roommates, Neighbors, Coworkers, and Strangers, packed full of gems like:

(Courtesy of wesh and the crazyass--and patriotic?--people of Red Hook, Brooklyn)

And this note (I whole-heartedly agree with):

(Anti-coffee hogging message courtesy of williac)

All this passive-aggressive back and forth reminds me of the summer of my senior year of college when, inspired by tales of real-life roommate passive-aggressive note-writing, my roommate Erin and I decided it would be fun to give it a try.

Being the ball of enthusiasm that I am, my first attempt--written on our refrigerator's whiteboard--sort of skipped over the passive and went straight for the I-wish-you-were-dead aggressive.

[Backstory: Erin had recently been outted by her cousin for leaving a profanity-laden, drunken message on his voicemail. Erin's mom is very anti-swearing. At the time, her mom was also very into bell-ringing, and Erin, being oh-so-supportive, loooved talking about it with her and listening to bell-ringing CDs in the car.]

Hey Erin! Your mom called while you were out. She just wanted me to pass along the message that she doesn't love you anymore. Actually, she stopped loving you about 10 years ago when she first heard you swear. She said "Erin can go throw herself off a bridge for all I care." But she did agree to get her bell ringing group to perform for your funeral, which I think is pretty nice. --Bailey

The next day, I came home to find this note:

[Backstory: My brother had recently unwittingly participated in one of those prison call-forwarding scams.]

Hey Bailey, Some convict just called from the Miami State Penitentiary, he got your #, address, and picture from your brother. Anyways, he wants to send some "packages" here and he's going to pick them up when he gets out in a month. But he didn't think you were hot, so he doesn't want to stick around for too long. I told you that those "Glamor Shots" were a bad idea. God! At least looking like ass paid off. --Erin

Ball back in my court, I left her this message:

[Backstory: None. I'm just gross.]

Erin- Seriously, this whole "natural woman" kick you're on has got to stop. Not only are the downstairs neighbors complaining about "the pungent gusts of vileness" billowing down from on high, but your armpit hair is so long now that you keep tripping over it. Don't think I didn't notice. It's sad Erin, real sad. --Bailey

But she got her revenge.

[Backstory: My car had recently been mistakenly towed from my lot. Since it was Hartford, I initially assumed it was stolen, burst into tears and called the cops. Also--that summer I was the only friend with a car so I played chauffeur to the grocery store A LOT.]

Dear roommate-
You suck. I am glad your car got stolen. I only regret that the tow truck didn't run you over on its way out. Oh well, at least you can still take me to the grocery store 4 times a week :-)

And so it continued.

Eventually, we started writing notes pitting our future children against each other (Erin's would be dorks in matching sweaters, mine would be rattail-sporting, dirty and violent). Sadly, those notes didn't get copied down into the water-stained spiral notebook I unearthed from the backseat of my car while on a cleaning mission last month.

Feel free to leave your own expressions of passive-aggression in the comments.

Welcome to Diverted Motion!

I'm excited to introduce Diverted Motion, the newest member of the Deliberate Motion and Frivolous Motion family. Written by DelMo member Bailey Triggs (c'est moi), Diverted Motion is a blog about life's diversions: music, books, tv, movies, other blogs... whatever turns my head.

Because that's what's important: the turning of the head. Realizing that life isn't found between points A and B. It's when you wander off the map to pick flowers and meet the big bad wolf--who has this super duper underground band that's costumes are based on this crazy 80s Chuck E. Cheese training video, which reminds you of your fifth birthday when the mechanical singing rats made you cry, which has forever shaped your opinion of animatronic singing animals. (The verdict: Billy the Big Mouth Bass is pure evil.) And so it goes. You wander deeper into the woods, picking as many flowers and your hands can hold. You pluck them from the ground, admire them and classify them, pull them apart and use the petals as confetti. You rate, judge, synthesize, synesthesize, taking 'the you' with you and leaving the rest in your wake.

Earlier this month, the ignored performance of violin virtuoso Joshua Bell in L'Enfant Plaza, as orchestrated by The Washington Post, turned many heads (and blog posts) to the blinders many of us wear as we go about our days. Sure I could say I would have stopped to check him out. I would have walked by--emopoppunk (a not-so-guilty guilty pleasure of mine) blasting through my ipod--turned, looked, thought 'who's this hottie?', flashed him a wink and gone on my way.

But that's me. And if you'll stick around, you'll learn a lot more about me and my diversions. And maybe, just maybe, one day everyone will know my name!

Thanks for stopping by. And don't be a stranger: comments, ideas, love letters, and fan fiction are all very welcome.