Sausages, Sausages, Sausages, Sausages [Second Verse, Same As the First]

Not to be a lady who keeps her audience dangling (penis pun alert!), I must dutifully report that I am now the proud owner of the March 1995 Playgirl featuring Scott Bakula.

Exhibit A:
Ooh la la, indeed! I have dutifully read my first-ever piece of purchased pornography (say that five times fast!) cover-to-cover and I have a few findings to report:

1) 1990s Playgirl maintains an almost pathological insistence that the sole audience for this magazine is women. Every letter, every submitted fantasy, the editor's comments, everything was female-centric. There is no acknowledgment of a gay audience whatsoever. Which is funny because when I see a naked dude doing some artistic back bends in a jungle in front of a tiger, gaygaygay is all I can think. Well, that and Dude, sweet tiger!

2) It distresses me that so many of the fantasies in the reader fantasy section start with "I said no, but really meant yes" premises. Oy, ladies. Oy.

3) Also tragic was the fact that every bio on every naked dude in there did little to mask the career desperation of the wannabe A-list actors of the world. Every one was a star in the making back in 1995. And in 2008? Even their certified cover star Scott Bakula is a cult favorite at best.

4) I really do feel for the plight of male nude models. Looking at these photos it became resoundingly clear how philosophically complex the question "Where should I rest my junk?" really was. Where, indeed. Where, indeed.

Only on a dreary rainy day like today would I find such tragedy in a racy nudey magazine. Ah well--to cheer us up, here is a very apropos (and disturbingly hilarious in its own right) clip from The Kids in the Hall called "Sausages":

What You Can Do With That 2,000 Dollar Wedding Dress

For being totally terrified of the idea of a wedding (not getting married as much as the wedding itself--with all its expense and bridezilla-esq complications) I definitely talk/think about it a lot. I blame my apartment's addiction to TLC and HGTV. And the fact that people I know! are finally hitting the age where weddings don't come with shotguns and Romeo&Juliet-style angst. (<--You should really click on that link.)

While wading through my feed today, I found a post by the ladies at Jezebel for a website called Trash The Dress. I gotta say, I'm a sucker for badass photos and the ones on this site are pretty awesome. Though the Jezebel folks call out the "TTD" crew for the non-feminist slant in their manifesto:

In fact, the website's manifesto implies that TTD is less about iconoclasm and more about brides stroking the egos of their brand-new husbands!

You've made a commitment to your husband. He's your one and only true love, right? Then you'll never need the dress again. And no, your daughter won't wear it in 20-30 years. So you have two choices: 1) Suffocate it in plastic and throw it in a closet, 2) Show your husband how committed you are by trashing the dress, and get some great fun pictures while you do it!

Haha. They might have done better to say their pictures would really help emphasize the whole "Til Death Do Us Part" section of the vows. Some of these ladies look ready for the CSI team to pick them up:

And Now, For Some Beauty

To make up for the horrific examples of YouTubeocity I posted last night, I now give you one of the most beautiful and interesting clips I've seen on YouTube in a long long time. Titled "Women in Art" director eggman913 morphs 500 years of women's portraits in art.

Art history geeks, prepare to *squee* with joy.



Curtsy to the ladies over at Jezebel for bringing this video to my attention. If you're into a modern feminist take on the fashion magazine industry and the celebritard juggernaut, you should go check them out.

Now I'm off to figure out how to turn this video into a screen saver. If I can figure it out, I'll let you know. And if you beat me to it, let us know in the comments.

Feminists of the World, Take Note

It might be a little early for this, but I've repealed my caffeine ban (which lasted all of 2 days) and have been listening to Prince all morning (and an AMAZING cover of SexyBack by Rock Plaza Central) so I'm feeling up for writing about duck genitals this morning. That's right: duck genitals. They exist apparently (who knew!) but the interesting fact is not only that they exist, but how they've changed. According to the Cosmos Magazine article (with a fantastically punny title), "Duck Genitals Locked in Arms Race":

Female ducks have evolved "maze-like" genitals with many twists, pouches and dead ends, in a bid to prevent rape and retain control of who fathers their offspring...

Apparently rape is a big issue for mallards, with 40% of all matings being forced. The female mallards are often injured or drown during these attacks. But evolution is helping them fight back! As they evolve, their genitals become more complicated and difficult for these aggressive males to successfully reproduce with them. The female duck genitalia are described as having: "oviducts with many folds, pouches and dead ends, which were spiralled in the totally opposite direction to the male phallus." (This article comes with a picture, which I guess could be considered NSFW if you work with a bunch of ducks.)

Crazy. I think I'll stick with my insane kickboxing skills and deadly stare to keep the aggressive males at bay. But good for those lady mallards.