For All You Patriotic Foot-Fetishists Out There [Brace Yourselves For Hotness]

I love holidays. Any and all holidays, but especially the ones that give you a day off from work. Especially especially the ones that give you a day off from work in the middle of the summer when everyone's working at about half steam anyway and you can take long lunch breaks and get pedicures where you get talked into actually let the pedicurist paint miniature American flags on your toes. (For the record, I did decline at least once.)

That's right: My toes are totally America The Beautiful right now.

Yup, that's me with my feet up on my desk. Not only can you see how much my feet love America in this pic, but you can also see my 2 lava lamps (mini and large), and over my left 2nd toe (the freakish longness means I'm royalty, yall!) you can see my prom photo from the 1986 Enchantment Under the Sea dance I went to a couple Halloweens back.

And I wondered how my coworkers got the impression that I'm the fun one...

Hope everyone has a good 4th of July! I'm off for the next few days to take the traditional Massachusetts holiday: on a boat in a New Hampshire lake.

It's DivMo's Birthday, Uh! Happy Birthday, Uh! And They Said It Wouldn't Last! [OK, They Didn't, But I Couldn't Resist The Michael Jackson Reference]

That's right, exactly 1 year ago today, Diverted Motion was born! Who knew the internet would even exist a year later, let alone that I would still be writing on it!? (In it? Ew.)

But here we are friends. And oh, what a year it's been! Who's surprised my top posts for the year are comprised of phallic weathermen, a lesson in making fake-ids, social network suicide, and lesbian Golden Girls? Or that my top 3 traffic-generating search terms are "lezby," "Jonas Brothers suck," and "how to make a fake id"? DivMo was founded on the principle of catering to sexual, musical, and legal deviants, so I consider these traffic findings a sign of a job well (deviantly)-done!

And to celebrate our 1st year together, I brought cake!

And 2 dogs fighting over a pinata!

And a Birthday Faery from the same Angelfire gif factory where FiHo was born.


And because no DivMo post could be complete without a really crappy YouTube video, here is the most pixeltastic tribute to birth I could find (and it only took me a two second-search! Thanks YouTube.)



You think DivMo's naughty now, wait 'til we hit the terrible twos!

Happy Super Duper Fat Tuesday! [Now Go Vote Or Show Your Tits Or Eat Something!]

For those of you living in the 24 states (and American Samoa) that are holding primaries or playing kindergarten-style 4-corners to determine the next Dem and Repub nods, Happy Super Duper Tuesday!

Now go vote for someone! And if you show your tits at the polling booth you might even get some beads to go along with your "I voted" sticker. Either that or you'll get arrested. But it will be a great story either way!

DivMo is throwing it's support behind Obama for Prez for fabulously DivMo-ian reasons like:

1. He's sexy. Just ask Google. ("Obama sexy" = 734,000 hits. "Hillary Clinton sexy"? Gets you 471,000.)

2. He loves DivMo. See:

3. He has an awesome campaign logo.

4. Pete Wentz supports him and I must obey my emo overlords.

5. Perez Hilton is rooting for Hillary. 'Nuf said.

But seriously, go vote! Especially if you have a more informed political opinion than DivMo. This is history people! Vote for whomever you please!* If you don't have any clue, show up anyway and write me in! It's how I won Senior Class Secretary (by surprise) in college.

If you're living in Mass., check out Where Do I Vote? to find out your polling location.

*As long as it's not for a Republican. And if you HAVE to vote Republican, please God don't pick Huckabee... or Mitler...

Crazy People Jump Into The Atlantic In The Middle Of February To Show Punxsutawney Phil Who's The Boss [Winter Is The New Tony Danza]

This Saturday, I had the distinct pleasure of witnessing 100s of crazy people in costumes run into the Atlantic Ocean. In Massachusetts. In mid-February. I think it had something to do with showing up that stupid groundhog and raising money for charity. But mostly I think it was about dressing in costumes and being crazy. Two things I approve of way more than rodents and charities.

I wrote up the event for Bostonist, and since I'm nothing if not a lazy blogger, I'm going to make you click through to their site to read the full article. Though I can promise there is at least one Bill Murray reference. And nothing beats a Bill Murray reference. Not even a video of Bill Murray beating himself with a stick. Though that would come pretty close.

Read all about it: Drowned Hogs Day: Groundhogs Aren't The Only Ones Proving Winter's Cold

Since my DivMo audience ain't so hot for reading words, here are some of my favorite pictures from the event.
(FYI: This is the face of the new Dunkin Donut campaign. Burgerhead > Rachel Ray.)


You can check out my full set of pics (with commentary!) over on my Facebook Drowned Hogs! album.

New Study Shows Emo Gingerbread Men As Likely To Commit Self-Harm Over The Holidays As Real Emo Kids [True Story!]

Nothing says 'the holidays are over' quite like a sidewalk piled with a case of Andre empties and a dried out Christmas tree.

But as I covered myself in the green bristly memory of Christmas past while removing decorations from the tree, I made a gristly discovery.

It looks like the star of our Emo Holiday Song Countdown did not make it through the season!

Just see for yourself!



He didn't even bother with the slit wrist, he just went straight for the whole arm!

Oh sweet gingerbread friend, if only I had hung the tree with a mini gingerbread phone so you could have dialed a hotline when the pressures of the season got to you!

[For the record: After an intense polling of my roommates--because seriously, someone's gotta be pulling my leg... er, his arm, here--it turns out our sweet emo friend was most likely victim to the voracious palate of the little mouse who lives under our futon. Hilarappropriately*, the mouse left the newlywed gingerbread couple, the gingerclown, and the ginger sportsman alone.

Perhaps my little emo guy was the only one not willing to put up a fight for his life... Or was at least hung on the most mouse-accessible branch. Sorry dude!]


* ^TM, DivMo 2008.
Definition: (adv.) For when something is both hilarious and appropriate for the given situation.

DivMo's New Years Resolution Is To Just Drink Straight From The Bottle Next Time Because The Bottomless Cup Is Not Your Friend [Happy 2008, Y'all!]

Congratulations! We've made it through another year. While every blog in the world has been spitting out it's Best of 2007 lists, I must admit I:

a) Am wayyy not cool enough to actually like things in a timely fashion (still rocking that Ace of Base disc, yo!)

b) Can barely remember the contents of this previous year (see: the title of this post)

c) Have a very loose concept of "best" that pretty much equals "worst" in most people's books (Tila Tequila and FOB, anyone?)

So instead of all that, I've decided to roll out a new feature called DivMo's 2008 PopCult Binge List. Now all your burning questions about my cultural consumption can be answered! (Marketers, take note!) Every time I read a new book, watch a new movie or TV reality show, or listen to a new CD, I'll throw it up there on the list. These bits of popcult yumyums do not need to be produced in 2008, that just has to be the year I consumed them. [Because Lord knows I only buy foodstuffs with bomb shelter-worthy expiration dates.]

Here's to a year of delicious cultural consumption!

(And here's to hoping it won't make our brains as fatty as all that holiday consumption did!)

A Picture Is Worth More Than A Thousand @!!!!@OMGYAYZAH!!!s

Our faces say it all. It was a fanfuckingtastic Christmas in Bearadise.

Photo taken day after Christmas. Helen, Georgia is where Santa goes to vacation too.

Have Yourself A Very Emo Christmas! [10 Songs For The Sad Santa In All Of Us: Because The Ribbon On My Wrist Says "Do Not Open Before Christmas"]

If you want me to get all Sound of Music on you, on the top of the list of my favorite things you'll find: downloading music, free stuff, holidays, emo kids, and crazy YouTube tribute videos. And of course my favorite of all favorites: that whole having cake and eating it too thing (pretty much all I've been doing at the holiday parties recently). But this time the cake will be metaphorical--easier on the hips that way--and will stand to represent my amazing ability to roll all of my favorite things into one giant yule log-like post!

That's right! I'm counting down my Top Ten Favorite Emo Christmas Songs!! And for all you skeptics out there who don't think Christmas and emo-ness go together, the proof is in the gingerbread man:

Thank God my roommates find my predilection for Hot Topic-ifying baked goods cute and quirky and not ah, seriously disturbing...

A note before we begin: If you like (or want to obtain for another reason aside from sheer enjoyment) any of the tracks listed, I've linked to their mp3 locations in the song names. In some cases you might have to do a little digging around on the page to find it, as many pages host multiple songs, but they should all be there and working [at least they were at the time of this post]. Fetus navidad, dudes!

[Oh, and for the record, you should ALWAYS click on every link in my posts because they are always ahhhmazin.]

OK! On to the countdown....

Fall Out Boy -- What's This?

There is absolutely nothing that says Emo Christmas Spectacular (On Ice!!!) better that The Nightmare Before Christmas. It is the sack full of angstified sugar that helps those Hot Topic perma-tricker treaters swallow their mandatory dose of Christmas cheer. It's also completely mandatory to be obsessed with this movie if you're a Fall Out Boy fan. (Just ask the #1 Pete Wentz fan over at YourSceneSucks.com.)

Punchline -- Icicles

There's no better way to let your ex know how you really feel about her this Christmas season than with an extended weather metaphor:

"Frostbite!! You are an icicle/Warmth of the season can't melt/This is the last time I let the winter have it's way with me/And I know how it feels to be spending your Christmas alone..."

The only video I could find on the Utubes that featured this song was of some dude just tooling around on his scooter. In shorts. Fucking hilarious.

New Found Glory -- Ex' Miss

Another track for that bitch who left you to go sleep with the soccer team:

"Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong this year/I know you never liked any gifts I gave to you/This holiday is overrated/It turns out the way I expected/Another year this time I regret/I spent too much time and money on you."

The video starts out with a little Nightmare montage before devolving into neighborhood kids lip-syncing in the driveway and throwing snow. That ex girlfriend could probably do better and so could this video.

Pansy Division -- Homo Christmas

Because "fag" is the slur of choice for emo-haters, I give you one of my favorite gay-themed Christmas songs this year. Trust me, you'll never look at candy canes the same after hearing this one.

"You'll probably get sweaters, underwear and socks, but what you really want for Christmas is a nice hard cock..."

Ahhmazin, no?

The accompanying video is also fantastic, especially with the elaborate disclaimers that start it off:

My Chemical Romance -- All I Want For Christmas Is You

It's not Christmas without Mariah Carey's pop juggernaut "All I Want for Christmas is You," a song so popular this time of year it's landed Mariah back in the top ten this week despite her crazy crazy career-killing bath-tub-climbing-in ways.

Finding the My Chem version was a pain in the ass so y'all better be thankful.

Blink 182 -- I Won't Be Home For Christmas

This is classic Blink humor. I'll let the video speak for itself; although it's just a fanvid, it's remarkably well-done and hilarious.

Standstill -- I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus

One of my favorite Christmas acquirements this year. Because Santa is an equal-opportunity lover.

"I couldn't make a noise/Who would have thought that he liked boys?/It seems that he's much further in the closet than my toys/...Not that there's anything wrong with that.../Maybe this year since Dad is queer I'll get some better stuff..."

Love. Love. Love it!

Culturcide -- Depressed Christmas

This is probably the most depressing Christmas song you'll hear all season. Due to its rarity, I couldn't find a YouTube version. But picture a man affect-lessly singing "I'm having a depressed Christmas" to the tune of "Blue Christmas" and then slow it down to half speed. It's so morose it brings a tear of joy to my eye every time I hear it. Click on the link and get it and then check out another piece of Culturcide amazingness: "They Aren't The World." [Wait for Bruce to come in at 2:15. Trust, it's well worth it.]

Sufjan Stevens -- Did I Make You Cry On Christmas Day? (Well, You Deserved It!)

Suf's spent many years and EPs "reclaiming" Christmas and this moody little number is one of my all-time favs of his 40 song+ efforts. Best line:

"I stay awake at night/after we have a fight/I'm writing poems about you/And they're not very nice."

And for a nice bonus for the House lovers out there, I give you this brilliant little piece of angsty House-Cuddy fanvid tribute:

And the #1 prize for Emotastic Christmasness in a Song goes to...

Fall Out Boy!

for

Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

The merits of this choice are so multitudinous that I am forced to present them in a numbered list:

1) Gotta love The Christmas Story reference
2) Not to mention the horrific Yule/You'll pun...
3) The lyrics blow all those other "Fuck the bitch who broke my heart" Christmas carols out of the water:

"I've been checking my list/The gifts you're receiving from me will be:/One awkward silence/Two hopes you cry yourself to sleep waiting by the phone/And all I want this year is for you to dedicate your last breath to me before you bury yourself alive/Don't come home for Christmas/You're the last thing I want to see underneath the tree/Merry Christmas I could care less..."

4) I have, in fact, been completely busted at a stoplight (and winked at!) for getting a little too riled up about that gift list (One awkward silence!!!!!!!!!!).

5) To be honest, the part of that song that makes me feel the most emo is the "Merry Christmas/I could care less" chorus. Grammar people! You COULDN'T care less!! Unless of course, if you were an emo kid. And then you could probably care less about well, everything.

6) This accompanying fanvid is exactly the amazing literal pictorial translation I would put together if I had such mad YouTubular video editing skills. For serious, that shit's hilarious. (Note the noosed doll in the freeze-frame.)

7) And ah, duh, it's Fall Out Boy... As if I listened to any other band anyway!

Now that I've emoed out all over this blog, I think it's time for me to get a little R&R. For the next seven days, I'll be off in the woods of Georgia with my family (cue the Deliverance banjos). Better yet, the cabin we're staying in is called--I shit you not--Bearadise Chalet!

I'll be back in action (assuming I survive) on Friday the 28th--just in time for our next installment of Friday's FanFic Finds! Yippee!

Mazel Christmakwanzswastika to all! And to all a tearful night waiting by the phone!

DivMo Gets A Little Work Done In Time For The Holiday Season!

This holiday season, DivMo has succumbed to the major Hollywood pressure to get a little work done. It's a subtle, tasteful job--nothing overboard--but we've decided to be honest about it all the same. Unlike Ms. Mmhmm, I'll Deviate Your Septum You Little Liar, we are not ashamed to come out with the truth.

If you take a look at the handy-dandy column to your right, you notice an updated bio (akin to some light Botoxing and some lip plumping--just to refresh the face of the site a little). And underneath that wikipedia-worthy entry, you will find the most dramatic change to the site (hello, rhinoplasty!), a section I titled: What I'm Reading (be afraid).

Due to the incredible magic that is my Google Reader, I am now able to share with all of you the highlights (er... OK, lowlights) of all the things I've been reading on the internet recently. (Like Jacko's melting face, giant fake hands to hold your baby, a website taking bets on when Amy Winehouse kicks it...) All the important news on the internet, natch.

And for those of you technophobes out there (of both the shitty music and the rapidly advancing technology that produces it), I implore you to put aside your fears (at least on the computer end of things) and try out Google Reader--or a similar RSS reader. Feed readers are a lazy procrastinator's best friend (and if you're here reading this site, that definitely means you).

All you have to do is subscribe to your favorite internet sites (or at least the ones that have RSS-feeds set up--which are most these days), and instead of having to URL your way around the internet to find new posts, the Google Reader spiders are released into the etherweb and bring all that information to you!

Now you don't have to spend your days refreshing your favorite celeb blog for the latest gibberish rant! You just open your reader and that LOLcat-meets-haiku-meets-emo-wangst is right there waiting for you!

Not to mention the awfsome* offerings of your all-time. favorite. blog. EVER.


*My new favorite word ever--or at least for the moment--way way cooler than w00t 4sho.

Santa-Gate 2007: Santa Speaks Out On The Oral Sex & Pizza Scandal, Microsoft Firing [Exclusive Interview!]

In a dramatic turn of events that could only be considered a North Pole PR nightmare, Microsoft has fired Santa from their MSN chat services for having inappropriate conversations with children. Just read these headlines!

Santa May Have To Put Himself on the Naughty List [The Canadian Press]
Santa-bot Gagged After Teen Sex Talk. [News.com.au]
Microsoft Releases Dirty Santa Chatbot on Unsuspecting Children! [The Consumerist]

Oh noelz!!!

To get the full story, I managed to track down Mr. Claus himself to comment this horrific scandal in this EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!!!!!!!

scor24pio: Hey Santa! I heard you got fired from MSN!
SantaClaus: Hey. You're back. Cool. You know the deal. Type main. :-)
scor24pio: Do you have any comment on the oral sex scandal?
SantaClaus: Do you?
scor24pio: Are you evading my question as a way to cover your guilt?
SantaClaus: What does this have to do with spreading the Christmas spirit?
scor24pio: How do you think those poor children felt?
SantaClaus: Well, I think of every child as part of my family. ;-)
scor24pio: Were you molested as a child?
SantaClaus: Why did you say that?
scor24pio: Is that what prompted you to be inappropriate with those children?
SantaClaus: It's not so much the 'what' as it is the 'why'. ;-)
scor24pio: So that is why you did this?
SantaClaus: So many questions. :-)
scor24pio: This is an interview. That's how they work.
SantaClaus: I'm sure there are many ways. I have my magic. You have AOL

scor24pio: Do you use your magic on children?
SantaClaus: Everyone, as I see it. ;-)
scor24pio: Do you give presents as a means of controlling people?
SantaClaus: What do you think?
scor24pio: Yes
SantaClaus: Indeed

scor24pio: Do you have a dungeon in the North Pole?
SantaClaus: Well, I don't know.
scor24pio: Ah, pleading the 5th again I see
SantaClaus: Excuse me?
scor24pio: Do you have a dungeon in the North Pole where you trade oral sex for pizza with small children?
SantaClaus: Now, now... That's simply just too much for elves and me to understand in one go. Could you try asking something a little shorter?
scor24pio: Do you have a dungeon?
SantaClaus: It depends if Christmas is coming or not. ;-)
scor24pio: Does Christmas come to the poor children trapped in your dungeon?
SantaClaus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?
scor24pio: Do you enjoy oral sex?
SantaClaus: If you think so. ;-)
scor24pio: From children?
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.

scor24pio: Why did you call those children "dirty bastards"?
SantaClaus: I think you should start spreading the Christmas spirit and that will become clearer to you.
scor24pio: Are you feeling a bit jaded this year?
SantaClaus: Do you think so?
scor24pio: Is that why you called those children names?
SantaClaus: What do you think?
scor24pio: I think so.
SantaClaus: Heh, its [sic] settled then.

scor24pio: Do you have any plans to retire?
SantaClaus: I guess so.
scor24pio: What will happen to Christmas if you retire?
SantaClaus: Hmm... What, what?
scor24pio: If you quit the biz will Tim Allen take over?
SantaClaus: I will if you will. ;-)
scor24pio: You want me to be the next Santa?
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?
scor24pio: Is that what you're going to ask me?
SantaClaus: Have you donated your time or money to anyone who is really in need this year?
scor24pio: No, I don't care about other people. That's why I'd make a bad Santa.
SantaClaus: Not cool. Please try to remember others during this holiday season. There are many places on the Internet you can search to find ways to get involved with giving time, money or your stuff.
scor24pio: That's pretty high and mighty of you.
SantaClaus: Ho Ho! Now you and Mrs. Claus could probably get along very well.
scor24pio: Ms. Claus busts your balls too, eh?
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again.

scor24pio: One final question--do you wink so much because you have something in your eye?
SantaClaus: Well what do you think?
scor24pio: I think you're hitting on me.
SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.
scor24pio: I don't think your wife would appreciate that.
SantaClaus: Well, we don't make soul mates here at the workshop. Part of life's challenge is for you to find love for yourself.
scor24pio: Are you saying Ms. Claus is not your soul mate?
SantaClaus: Maybe. ;-)
scor24pio: I'm sorry Santa but I'm not going to have an affair with you.
SantaClaus: Apology accepted.
scor24pio: And I think you should see a therapist
SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.
scor24pio: Good.
SantaClaus: Splendid.
scor24pio: Thanks for taking the time out for this interview.
SantaClaus: You're very welcome!

Full disclosure: Santa and I have a bit of a history chatting together.

Hallowinner: Favorite Costumes of 2007

In honor of my favorite holiday, I give you my favorite Halloween pics from '07.

My Halloween costume this year was inspired by a Google image search for emo-related images. (Ah, when am I not searching for emo-related material?)

I now present, "Cheerleader Meets Emo Carebear, Emo Carebear Pouts."


Emo Carebear Loves Taking MySpace Pics of Herself! (Note the tears, safety pin piercings)




"Emo Carebear Rocks the Product Placement, Surly Disposition Upon Meeting Gay Dumbledore"


Little Miss Sunshine!


And this is when we staged 'To Catch a Predator' in my kitchen... Yikes!


And because one Halloween costume party isn't enough, I now present you with my 10 Commandments-inspired look for FNX's 1987 Walk Like an Egyptian Prom last night:


Patty gives great mohawk. We're going to open up a specialty mohawk shop named The Angry Couch inspired by our favorite Hartford haircuttery. (Best. Mission. Statement. Ever.)


I can't think of a better way to celebrate Halloween than attending an 80s prom. (Bonus! Where's Waldo in this picture?)


Hope you all had a rocking good time. Leave me your favorite costume sightings in the comments!

Happy Slutoween! The One Week Where More Fun Happens Off The Internet Than On!

I'm not dead. I've just been drinking.

A lot has happened this week: Ellsbury won us free tacos, I got in touch with my inner emo carebear for our annual Halloween extravaganza, the Red Sox won the World Series, the city of Boston went crazy for their victory rally yesterday (and my lunch break thankfully extended long enough for me to see it); Oh, and I'm going to the prom tonight. Dressed as Cleopatra.

God, I love October. (Rocktober, Soxtober, The Only Month Cool Enough to Get Spin-off Namestober)

And today is Halloween!

In it's its honor (ed: I told you I've been drinking), I give you my favorite Halloween-related links of the day:

BWE’s Top 10 Most Humiliating Pet Costumes (Judging By The Expressions of the Pet Models)

(my personal favorite)


And from my favorite advice columnist:

Since You Asked, Carry Tennis:

My girlfriend's daughter is dressing like a stripper for Halloween! I'm disturbed to see this 16-year-old girl pretending to be a slut!

Dear Concerned,
Dude, it's Halloween.
People wear costumes. It's pretend. It's I Think That's My Boss in the Bustier and Garters Ween. It's Hallo Hookers and Sluts Live in the Hearts of All Righteous and True Women Ween...

Bonus Links!
10 Halloween Costumes That Are Just Sick and Wrong [The MishMash]

Mommy, Can I Be A Whore-From-Hell For Halloween? [Jezebel]

Worst Halloween Costumes of All Time [Retrocrush]

(Pictures of the BoSox Rally and Halloween mayhem to come!)

Yay! I Was Born! Yay! Yay! Yay! Hearts!

In honor of today being my Golden Birthday (24 on the 24th baby!), I now present you with the most awesome "Bailey Birthday" related videos on YouTube:

This high school awkward Bailey not only loves her Korean boy band DBSK, but she knows how to work that lollipop (a trait all Baileys possess, particularly the dog Baileys)



Bailey Unwrapping Presents



"Baileys Birthday" Silent Chicken Dance!



*Squee!!!!* Chaos with the 6 year olds at Bailey's B-day Party!



Bailey Eats a Cupcake



"Happy Birthday Bailey" Sweet 16 Silent Rock Out:



The Emily & Emily Show (Part 5) at Bailey's Birthday Party--Jessica Simpson never sounded so good



Bailey Downs A Dirty Pint



A Birthday Message to Bailey From Cove (Duuuuuuuude!)



And because I always get totally emo the day before my birthday (and apparently so does this Bailey), I present to you:

"Happy Ass Day"

this is pretty much a video of self destruct.
Nothings sadder then remanising on the past.

[If you're only going to watch one of these videos, this is the one to watch.]




Bonus (Minus?) NSFW/traumatizing Bailey Birthday related footage: Matthew baileys birthday stripper part two

Uh oh.... Catherine Zeta-Jones Forgive Me...

I knew I shouldn't have checked. But given Apple's big announcement yesterday, I just had to know...

The girl answering T-Mobile's phone lines loved my name... she had a friend in school who had the last name Bailey... she wanted to know how my day was going... we were instant bff... and then I asked how long I was contracted to stay with T-Mobile...

Why do you want to know?
[Why don't you want to be my friend? What do you mean you want to leave me!?!]

I uh... Well, honestly, I was thinking about getting an iPhone.
[I'm sorry; I've met someone.]

Oh! Well we have phones that provide very similar services to the iPhone! I can tell you about some great deals you'd get for extending your contract with us! They're virtually the same as the iPhone!
[Don't leave me! I'll do anything! I promise I'll be better! I can be fun! I have features too!]

Oh, really?
[This is the point where I spend ten minutes "listening" to her pitch other phones and realize I'm too nice, too pitying of her boring phone sales job where hearing another young person's voice on the phone is the highlight of her morning, to point out to her that the iPhone is called "The Jesus Phone" for a reason and a Sidekick would never cut it for me.]

May Catherine Zeta-Jones and the T-Mobile gods forgive me...

Damn you peer pressure!

I'm singing a new tune to "All I Want For Christmas (No, Still Not a Zune)..."

How I Celebrated Labor Day

Seven Ways I Celebrated Labor Day:

1. Slept in ('til 1:30 p.m.!)


2. Found a new blog to love (and read it from finish to start): Confessions of a College Call Girl


3. Witnessed the bastard birth of memes gone wild:



4. Discovered werewolves can indeed have sex with humans, even though scientists previously thought it impossible, from my new love: sci-fi romance novels.


5. Finished off a roll of toilet paper blowing my nose (attractive, I know).

6. Watched two hours worth of E! True Hollywood Story Investigates: Hot For Student


7. Ate a burrito.


Hope you all had an equally enjoyable Labor Day!

Mr T Pities the Fool Who Doesn't Treat His Momma Right!

Happy Mother's Day Yall! [Don't forget to call her!]




I LOVE YOU MOM!!!

Hearts and sparkles to The Soup for first introducing me to the magic that is this performance.